Where I was:
Full of fear and shame
Due to bad theology and practice in some churches, I didn’t trust my gut or believe ALL of my sins were forgiven.
People pleaser
I ALWAYS put others first. My grades, chores, needs, and desires always got put on the back burner if someone needed me.
Codependent
I began to feel resentful, invisible, and frustrated. I was operating codependently rather than taking care of myself and then caring for others. I didn’t even realize I was expecting everyone to take care of me the way I was taking care of them. I thought love was “laying down one’s life for your friends” and taking care of yourself first was “selfish” or bad. I made everyone else my responsibility and did not make MYSELF my responsibility.
Martyr
I would over do the caring and never ask for help. I would see it as “more blessed to give than to receive” but this leaves no room for anyone else to get a blessing if they aren’t allowed to give. Always being on the giving side also feeds the ego to the point of feeling like you’re saving people from something, which then leads to the ugly form of pride - arrogance. But I never felt like I was arrogant because I was so GIVING and self-sacrificing.
Very few boundaries
I wouldn’t skip class for a friend, but I would put off studying for a test if a friend needed to talk. I couldn’t put off talking to them until after I had studied. The feeling of being needed was too strong for me to ignore. I never would have been able to focus on the work while knowing someone needed me.
I hated the thought of hurting someone’s feelings to the point of feeling responsible for their feelings. I wanted to run away as far and as fast as I could about 5 minutes after I said yes to my first husband’s proposal, but I married him anyway because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
No self-care
I didn’t even know what self-care was! I really really enjoy helping people, and there is NOTHING wrong with helping. The problem is never taking care of yourself. Simple things like putting off getting a night-guard for seven YEARS because I was too focused on raising my kids to take the time and spend the money on myself led to my weakened and moving teeth.
Completely drained & Depressed
I didn’t give myself the things I needed, so of course I was drained. If you’re drained long enough, you get depressed.
Where I am now:
I am my own responsibility.
I can ask for help.
I please God, myself, and then others.
I enjoy taking care of myself.
I have overflows of energy.
I say no without feeling too guilty or worrying too much about hurting someone’s feelings.
I know and enjoy who I am as an introvert who loves beauty and class.
Fearless. I don’t worry about what other people will think or wait for someone in authority to recognize and encourage my gifts. I’m 47. I’m done waiting.
Confident in my gifts, skills and talents. Many churches and women’s Bible study authors do a very poor job of encouraging us to be proud of the skills we have and confident in who God made us to be. Too many sermons and books confuse pride with arrogance.
Happy
This doesn’t mean I never have low days, but I know now that I can trust myself to give myself what I need to feel better.
How I got here
Studying the character of God
Studying who I am in Christ
Recognizing bad (abusive) theology
Learning about codependency and how to recognize when I’m doing too much for others and not taking care of myself.
Learning that boundaries are good, not mean
Discovering my personality type and honoring it
Practicing intentional self-care
Bullet-journaling
Morning pages
